Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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