Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
