how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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