billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
