We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
