Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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