All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize