My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
