My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize