North Korea, Best Korea!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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