Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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