They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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