I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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