i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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