It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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