I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
