No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize