It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize