You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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