We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize