I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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