I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
