Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize