CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
