There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just gift wrapped bread.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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