and she was petting her beer can
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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