Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
