its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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