I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
