I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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