I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
