my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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