god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize