There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
