Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
