She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
