If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
