she was so not down for the gang bang
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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