My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize