On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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