he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
