either way he was missing a nipple.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize