I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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