I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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