All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
