just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
as a side note pls kill me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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