paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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