How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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