i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
