Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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