the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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