so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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