Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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