from now on my penis is your penis
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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