You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
