My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
