We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize