Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i think i just lost a toe
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
