8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize