I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
