carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
