i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
