worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
