found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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