Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
