I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
