it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize