a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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