There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
