I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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