Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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