he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
