awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
