i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
