butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
