True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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