then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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