He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
