my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
