i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
