I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
did i walk over a car last night?
There's always time for handjobs
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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