His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
