I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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