i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
