alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
