I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
