any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize