A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
