big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Ketchup is God's man juice
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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