She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
